Healthy Relationships: The Three C's

Balanced relationships are founded on care and compassion and hence a function of these three key elementary psychological behavioural ingredients:

Communication | If we don't communicate, how can we expect to understand/be understood? Most relationship problems relate to this area

Cooperation | Given satisfactory levels of communication, it is important to make reasonable efforts to work with and support each other (as a team)

Compromise | Life, and love, are about 'the give and take', and it costs little, in essence, to make reasonable accommodations for the ones we love

10 Qualities of the Strong-minded

  1. Stay in touch with your emotions

  2. Problem solve and be pragmatic

  3. Strive to fulfil your purpose

  4. Practice realistic optimism

  5. Practice (self-)compassion

  6. Seek to be your best self

  7. Set healthy boundaries

  8. Communicate candidly

  9. Manage time wisely

  10. Monitor progress

Pills Pills Pills: Over-Medicating, Depression, and Heart Ache

1. A large scale epidemiological study has revealed that the birth control pill* is associated with a doubling of the risk of depressive mental health problems

2. Another study illustrates one of a number of nascent harms associated with long-term administration of pain medication (in this case ibuprofen**)

* Caused long-lasting hypertensive dysautonomia and a series of highly painful and disruptive ovarian cysts, in the experience of a friend of mine

** Responsible for abdominal inflammation/convulsions in my case (and known to irritate the gut)

Bouncing Back from a Break-up / Moving On from a Relationship

Engage emotionally | Let yourself grieve the loss of the partner/relationship. This is only natural vs. unnatural to repress it

Acceptance | If it's ended then it's likely because you are not 'supposed to be together' e.g. at least one of you isn't right for the other

Forgive and forget | Not always possible but almost always healthy to use the experience as an opportunity to show dignity/humanity

No contact rule | Depending on the nature of breakup, it's often a good idea to give them/yourself some space, for a while at least

Out of sight, out of mind | Depending on how emotionally vulnerable/secure one is, it can be helpful to remove all traces of one's ex

Watch out for manipulation | Human nature being as it is, it's rare for young people to make a totally clean break. Don't get sucked into games

Avoid revenge mentality | Apart from anything else this is a total waste of energy and you risk losing the moral high ground if things get petty

Listen to your gut | Also listen to reason e.g. consider patterns of behaviour over time, rather than just salient events, fear, or prejudice

Staying friends | See above comments - few can hack it but in certain circumstances it can actually be healthy/helpful to stay on friendly terms

Be around people | Also busy yourself, and do reach out to dependable friends and family who can support you as you bounce back

Time heals all | What seems like the end of the world one week can be just a drop in the ocean the next. Life goes on

Avoid alcohol/substance abuse | This is unlikely to bring you either physical or psychological stability, which is just what you need!

Explore new connections | When you're ready (not if you're still full of angst/in a beta or 'victim complex' mindset). Avoid rebounding

Self-worth vs. Self-esteem

Self-esteem is essentially about capacity, whereas self-worth is about value. Relatively good self-esteem is therefore, ultimately, of little help in the absence of self-worth. The pursuit of self-esteem, or attempts to boost it, can be premature and yield short-lived, superficial results

Self-love, or an internal recognition of one’s value, should ideally be anchored in an innate sense of oneself as valuable and lovable; it is not enough that it be predicated merely on being ‘good’ at this or that, or favoured/appreciated by this or that person(s) e.g. in recognition of our efforts/abilities in particular areas

We absolutely are, in a moral sense, ostensibly ‘the sum of our actions’. However, whilst this is how we may define moral identity, it is but one component of our essential being. Strong, sustainable self-worth reflects a deeper/broader knowledge of oneself that may centre on an appreciation of our core psychology or (manifest) ‘character’, but is not limited to our conduct or achievements e.g. within the domain of ethical behaviour

In focusing too heavily on self-esteem boosting endeavours one can place too much emphasis on building self-acceptance in relation to tokenistic, transient, external factors, (inadvertently) indulge vices like pride/egotism, and indeed potentially miss out on opportunities to bolster self-worth through introspection e.g. interrogating upstream processes, such as: "I am interested in self-improvement, and this is a valuable quality"

Every human being has value, and each has the capacity to love themselves – often what people need is to rediscover/internalise the sort of simple, infantile sense of unconditional love and security that we associate with early years parental love/support. Some find it helpful to seek to imprint this in the ‘parental voice’ of our psyches through things like meditation, mantras, and (self-)hypnosis e.g. "I am valuable; I am loving; I am loved; I am worthy of love"

Once we learn to love ourselves at this most basic level we can (safely and sustainably) move on to higher levels of self-awareness, self-knowledge, self-acceptance, self-love, self-worth, and critical self-improvement (which might otherwise be damaging/destabilising)

Let yourself begin to believe - you were created with unique, intrinsic value

Link: How To Build Self Worth