Online/APP-BASED E-dating is dead
If you happen to be in the elite top 5% e.g. a tall, confident, aesthetically pleasing, popular, and successful, man then you can corner the market and hump-and-dump young women at a rate of knots; I do not condone this behaviour but human nature, and Western culture, is what it is
If you happen to belong to the rest of humanity then you're on the flip-side of the coin: men and women with either unrealistically high expectations (of such a skewed marketplace) or those prepared to lower their standards. Either way, it's not a terribly healthy place to be.. swipe, swipe, swipe
So, what else can we do? Well, that's where dating experts like myself step in and offer our products, services, and, every now and then, helpful free resources like my short-list of viable avenues. In this article (pdf), I go a step further: sharing some of the secret ingredients involved in the art of capitalising on spontaneous and somewhat serendipitous daytime approaches, or daygame
Please understand, however, that there is no one-size fits all, this is not an exact science, and it's always preferable to keep things real/contextual, rather than to seek to emulate an entirely formulaic approach. Furthermore, it's important to recognise the personal space/boundaries of others
What follows is, broadly speaking, a desirable shopping list but isn't going to do it for every person, and it's perfectly possible to have a pleasant and successful interaction in the absence of most of these elements - particularly some of the latter ones, which can be built into subsequent dates
My Daygame Essential Ingredients
• Vibing | Getting in the zone prior to walking out. Use things like music/singing/dancing, imagery/video clips, and mantras/NLP. Being relaxed is king
• State Shifting | Cycling through various social interactions, from simply smiling/gesturing to someone, to briefly greeting/enquiring, to complimenting
• Warm-up | Chatting to people who seem like they wouldn't mind speaking to you and seeing how far you can get in conversation with the below
• Target Switch | Switch your attention to approaching only those individuals you are in some way drawn to (doesn't have to be purely physical attraction)
• Focus | Should be all on them at first - people like to talk about themselves, and encouraging them to qualify (establish value) is psychologically potent
• Game-On | Use tekkers like the YAD stop to approach, stop, and open conversation with those you wish to approach. Very direct: "are you approachable?"
• Observations | Communicating that you have genuinely had your interest sparked and noticed something about someone is a great way to kick off
• Compliments | Incorporating a compliment (ideally subtle) in your opening comment(s) can be a good way to communicate attraction and confidence
• Assumptions | Developing the notion of your initial impression through the use of assumption stacking is a good way to get conversation flowing
• Statements | Avoid asking too many questions, particularly closed ones - this can feel like an interrogation/come across keeno; instead, make statements
• Hook Switch | Once they've hooked (cross legs, play with hair, ask questions etc) it's best to dial down energy/intensity/body language and be more chill
• Qualifying | Don’t nod, smile, agree, give attentive eye contact too much - ideally we want them to seek approval e.g. use ambiguous tone: "Ok.."
• Open Questions | "How/What/Why is this/that, do you like/love" + parroting (repeat what you've been told, varying tone which they take as their cue)
• Responsiveness | Be responsive but really listen and contemplate; take your time, breathe, and maintain a clear, non-upwardly inflected/intoned voice
• Responses | In answering any questions put to you, or filling gaps in conversation by talking about yourself, remember to steer the topic back to them
• Testing | Girls are used to sh*t-testing guys i.e. testing their metal in a social setting to see if they've "got the minerals"; turn this around by challenging
• Push-Pull | Once the person is investing/qualifying, provided they're not too uptight, you can relax and have fun with cocky/teasing/random banter
• Self-Deprecation | This is sign of real character, and potentially endearing at this stage of an interaction. Careful not to become the jester, however
• Deep Rapport | Take opportunities to foster a sense of familiarity/commonality e.g. through verbal (e.g. experiential) and non-verbal communication
• Future Projection | Paint a picture of aspiration and future antics, ideally semi-seriously (not OTT), and you may have their mind in a giddy/dreamy spin
• Closing | When you feel the interaction has run its course you have several options. Whichever you chose, be sure to suggest, rather than ask:
• Social Media Close | The weakest option of all but equally low-pressure e.g. "I've got to go now but it was nice meeting you. Are you on [social media]?"
• Number Close | Pretty strong, but not every person likes to hand their number out to a random they've just met (unless they're hammered, of course)!
• Instant Date | Absolutely ideal when you've established strong rapport and there's a mutual desire to continue the conversation
• Bounce Back | Not everyone's cup of tea, and I personally do not advocate using daygame for pick-up/NSA sex (unless it's all perfectly transparent)